Given the circumstances, it wasn't a bad experience. It was rather soothing, actually. Not at all what you'd expect. There was music and light -- I'm not sure if the ambience was provided especially for me, or if their ship always boasts such accoutrements. Either way, it was relaxing. Mostly, I floated in and out of consciousness. What did they look like? Like us, more or less. They were slender, pale ... with tapered arms and legs. Pairs of eyes in the center of each face, ears and mouths where you'd expect them to be, tufts of hair atop every head. They took care to let me know they didn't intend any harm. Oh sure, they performed procedures -- poked, prodded and what-not. But they were gentle and apologetic. Their leader spoke directly into my mind, without moving his lips. His voice was ... well, melodious is the only word for it: "Don't be afraid. We won't hurt you." And they didn't. Not once. I can honestly say I never felt a thing. And there are absolutely no ill effects. It was a transformative experience, and I plan to write a book about ...

HE said WHAT?!

Well, it's not true. They came in peace, for the benefit of both races.

Don't listen to him -- he's completely unreliable.

You can't believe a word my other head says.*

---
*Plaxor of Elgon finds this "twist ending" forced, confusing and highly offensive to all right-minded multi-headed lifeforms. The destruction of Earth shall commence immediately. Hershey, Pennsylvania, however, shall be spared, because Plaxor likes chocolate. He actually prefers Belgian chocolate. But they were so snotty to him on his hiking tour last summer, Plaxor now craves their fiery demise. Also spared shall be the slave-labor plant where they assemble the iPhones. Those are cool. Apple's "customer care" department, however, shall feel the full wrath of the Overlords. Repair THIS permission, genius!

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