"What's this?"

"It's disgusting, that's what it is."

"Are those nipples?"

"I can't believe this is what passes for art these days."

"Dear Lord, Joanna, I think those are nipples."

"This sort of thing should be illegal."

"Mm-hmm. Definitely nipples."

"For God's sake, stop that! Now come on, we're going."

"Did you see--"

"Yes, Steven, I saw, so stop saying it."

"But--"

"I'm calling Audrey James."

"Why?"

"She's on the Board of Trustees. This is just unacceptable."

"It isn't so bad, really."

"Yes it is. Come on."

***
"What's this?"

"Oh, cool! Check it out, mom. Collage. We're doing these in art class."

"Oh, that's--Jesus, Tommy! Get away from it!"

"Why?...oh, cool!"

"Come back here, Tommy."

"Aw, why? It's just art, mom."

"Yeah, well, fine. When you're eighteen you can look at all the art you want to."

"Mom--"

"But for now, we're leaving."

"Christ, mom. It's just boobs and vaginas."

"You watch your mouth!"

"What? It's the scientific word. Vagina."

"You're grounded, buddy."

"Why?"

"Two weeks. Now move."

"This sucks."

"Wanna make it three?"

"Fine. Stupid picture."

***

"What's this?"

"I dunno. Is that porno? It this thing made of porno?"

"Damn."

"What?"

"That's beautiful."

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"No, man. Seriously. What's it called?"

"Let's see...'Mona Lisa: The Dirty Bits.' I've never heard of the artist."

"Man, this is great. Beautiful."

"Clearly an amateur."

"Nah, it's great."

"What's it mean? It doesn't exactly challenge me, or anything."

"No, I mean, maybe. But, wow."

"Come on. They're unveiling Sten's new stuff in just a few minutes."

"Go ahead. I'll catch up."

"Okay. See you there."

"Beautiful."

"If you say so, man."

"I do."

J.B. Mulholland lives in Chicago and spends too much of his free time sleeping. He has recently had a number of short, humorous news articles published in a volume called "Off The Wall," published via Columbia College Chicago (a volume he also edited).

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