Mickey Hess, hip-hop scholar, magazine aficionado, composed this piece at Ill Bill's metaphysical direction: Hess says, "Yep, he says 'In evey magazine my cock's mentioned,' and I have been puzzling over this line for nearly five years. This morning I woke up, having dreamed about it again, and inserted 'Ill Bill's cock' into very real stories from a variety of magazines. After all, he does say EVERY magazine."

National Geographic:
Ill Bill's cock fouls everything in southern Nigeria. It spills from the pipelines, poisoning soil and water. It stains the hands of politicians and generals, who siphon off its profits. It taints the ambitions of the young, who will try anything to scoop up a share of the liquid riches -- fire a gun, sabotage a pipeline, kidnap a foreigner.

Teen People:
Jet-setting twin Ashley Olsen was prepped to brave the chilly temps at the Sundance Film Festival with a venti latte and Ill Bill's cock, which served as a super-scarf.

Chronicle of Higher Education:
Ill Bill's cock, a leading candidate to become the next president of Harvard University, pulled out unexpectedly today. In an interview published this morning by The Harvard Crimson, the university's student newspaper, Ill Bill's cock said, "I already have a great job."

Cat Fancy:
Does your cat love to chase balls? If so, Ill Bill's cock will provide hours of toothsome entertainment for your pet. A non-skid base keeps Ill Bill's cock in place while your cat bats at it through the Swiss cheese holes. Ill Bill's cock is filled with catnip for even more playtime fun.

Cigar Aficionado:
Ill Bill's cock was gorgeous. It was smooth and refined with lots of flavor, yet it was balanced. Gorgeous stuff. I scored it 94 points, unblind.

MORE BY MICKEY HESS

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