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**PRINT: FRIENDS FROM CINCINNATI: Installment 24 features this part coming-of-age short by Chicago's Patrick Somerville, author of the Trouble collection of shorts out in 2006. | PAST BROADSHEETS |

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Mickey Hess

Questions from Seduction FAQ
Answers from Typing Injury FAQ

How do I approach women?

By placing your arms straight in front of you and spreading your fingers as far as possible.

When is the best time to hug, kiss, or shake hands after meeting a woman?

Really, do it every three minutes. Hold for at least 5 seconds and repeat 3 times:

The "Arm & Shoulder Shake" is performed by dropping your hands to your sides then shaking your relaxed hands, arms, and shoulders gently.

The "Shoulder Blade Squeeze" is performed by raising your forearms and pointing your hands to the ceiling. Push your arms back, squeezing your shoulder blades together.

How can I hide my nervousness around a woman? How can I fix my shyness?

Every 20 minutes, get up and bend your spine backward. In other words, the knuckles, wrist, and top of the forearm should form a straight line. The elbows should form a 90 degree angle while hanging at your sides from the shoulders.

What does a woman want to see in a man she just met?

A good chair makes a big difference. If you don't like your chair, go find a better one.

How does height influence success with women?

If you are short, this may be impossible. The best remedy is to raise the seat height and prevent your legs from dangling by using a footrest.

What do I do if she says she has a boyfriend?

Pull your chin in to look down -- don't flop your head forward.

How do I treat or deal with a woman who doesn't call back or cancels dates?

For just about every part of your body, there's a fancy name for a way to injure it. Let your elbows swing free.

What is wrong with me?

You're typing too much. You're never really giving a chance for the blood to get back where it belongs, because your muscles never relax enough to let the blood through. Stress, poor posture, and poor ergonomics only make things worse.

I've seen ads for penis enlargement products. Is it really possible to enlarge my penis?

You absolutely need to go see a doctor. As soon as you possibly can. You really want adjustments for height, back angle, back height, and maybe even tilt.

If ordinary guys get laid why do I need all this information?

Humans were not well "designed" for this. Drugs can reduce the pain.