THE2NDHAND.com -- DEATH IN YELLOWSTONE, CHAPTERS 11-13, by Tim Stafford b/w "Death by Man" video

**PRINT: No. 34.2: Part dictionary of the outrageous, part chronicle of the manic twists and turns of American life, Atlanta writer Jamie Iredell's BOOK OF FREAKS (due fall 2010 from Future Tense) is A+ material, the best of its bits spawning raucous laughter and righteous anger read after read after. Check out several of the "freaks" in this issue, part of our mini-broadsheets series, along with Nashville-based Gabe Durham's similarly structured selections from "Fun Camp," a work in progress, on the back side. Durham is Keyhole Magazine's new editor.

**PRINT: COLD WAS THE GROUND, by Chicago's Scott Stealey, is No. 34 in our broadsheet series. Gina, protagonist, a rather lonely condo dweller/office manager, strikes up a fleeting friendship with one Porgo, an Eastern European construction worker who is burying on her property what Gina takes for a time capsule. But the metaphorical fix is in -- Porgo, an ESL student, may be leading Gina in directions she can�t exactly get her head all the way around. Enjoy. Chicago writer Stealey is editor of the Please Don�t online mag.

**WEB: DEATH IN YELLOWSTONE: CHAPTERS 11-13 Tim Stafford, Susie Kirkwood, Landry Miller
CARS Meghan Austin
DEATH IN YELLOWSTONE: CHAPTERS 7-10 Tim Racine
DEATH IN YELLOWSTONE: CHAPTERS 4-6 "WILD PARSNIP" by Dave Snyder
DEATH IN YELLOWSTONE: CHAPTERS 2 & 3 Jill Summers
DEATH IN YELLOWSTONE: CHAPTER 1 Chris Bower
WERT'S DEATH Michael Peck
WING & FLY: AN EXPERIMENT IN MIND CONTROL w/ MKULTRA and...Doug Milam | Todd Dills
HIDEOUS BOUNTY: ONE WITH WOLF | Andrew Davis

DEATH IN YELLOWSTONE, CHAPTERS 11-13
DEATHS FROM FOREST FIRES: SMOKE CHASING CAN KILL; THE GLOOM OF EARTHQUAKES: SHAKY BREAKY PARK; and DANGER IN THE WATER: DEATHS FROM DROWNING
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Tim Stafford

Find here the fifth installment of THE2NDHAND's feature of work from the mid-2010 installment of Chicago's Ray's Reading Series, whose next event is scheduled for Oct. 23, 2010, as always at Ray's Tap in Chicago. Chicago poet Tim Stafford Tim Stafford has performed internationally at the ABC Brecht Festival in Munich, and appeared on the lowest rated show in HBO history. He is the editor of the classroom poetry anthology Learn Then Burn, A Modern Poetry Anthology for the Classroom, available through Write Bloody Publishing. The second, "Death by Man" portion of the Ray's Yellowstone show began with the video beow, by Susie Kirkwood and Landry Miller. Kirkwood is a Chicago-based graphic designer. You can see her and her sister's shadow puppet shows performed all around Chicago. Miller's motion graphics were recently part of the Ragdale "House, Dreaming" gallery exhibition in Lake Forest, Ill. He has also been an intern at Featherproof Books over the last year. Also involved was Alan Scalpone, a Chicago multi-instrumentalist and member of the Bitter Tears band. You can see him in "All My Friends Are Funeral Singers," available on DVD. He is one of the best composers and performers on the planet, and he did not write this bio.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
How's it going you friggin stoonads?
I'm Yellowstone Lake. Bitch!
And don't you forget it.
I've been drowning bastards since
the motherfucking Ice Age
I've got caveman bones all up in this bitch.
It's not that I'm trying to kill these dumb fucks
I just make it harder for them to live.

Now, these uppity ranger types thought it would be a great idea
to start renting boats to these whoo-as from fuckin Connecticut
and New York so they can take they fuckin' families
on a boat so they can act like a goddamn Cap'n Nemo.

This one arrogant piece of shit doctor from California
takes his seven-year-old son, and a drinking buddy out for a ride
ignoring the fact that there's a goddamn thunderstorm brewing
and the winds pick up
and bada-bing bada-boom, the boat tips
and they're fuckin done son.
I heard when they recovered the good doctor's body
they found him with his thumb up his ass
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Now here's the bitch about me
If you're on a boat and that sonofabitch flips
you got about 20 minutes to make it to shore before I freeze your sorry ass.

These drunk bastards fell in and the one was like
"Come on Peter, we gotta keep swimming,"
and Peter was all,"No David, I need to rest. I'm just gonna float,"
and then he got all puffy and purple like my whore ex-wife
after downing a sixer of Schlitz Ice
and died.

I'm like the fucking Superman of lakes.
I can kill you in a bunch of ways
like if Superman and a ninja had a baby
but the baby was a body of water instead of a human,
that water baby would be me. Bitch!

Now I don't discriminate.
I don't care if you're a doctor, a boy scout
or the owner of the fucking Ne-Hi Bottling Company,
I swallow your ass like you're a fucking cannoli.
I bet you didn't know lakes liked to eat cannoli.
Well we do!
Wanna know how I know?
Cuz I'm a fucking lake. Bitch!

PART 2: DEATH BY MAN
---
Susie Kirkwood and Landry Miller, w/ Alan Scalpone

Death by Man (Ray's Tap Reading Series) from Landry Miller on Vimeo.

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