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**PRINT: A GAME I ONCE ENJOYED, by Chicago's Patrick Somerville, is THE2NDHANDís 32nd broadsheet. Somerville's work previously appeared in No.24 in 2007, and this Somervilleís second broadsheet since the release of his short-story collection, Trouble, in 2006 marks the first since his novel The Cradle launched into the cultural imagination with coverage in the form of reviews in places as high as the New York Times Book Review. Donít let that turn you off, though; Somervilleís work is viscerally humorous and elegantly dramatic as the best out there, as evidenced in this epic story, about a chess game whose stakes might well be higher than its players know. Also in this issue: a short from Ohio scribe Daniel Gallik.

**WEB: WING & FLY: CellStories.net launches (& Annalemma redesigns) | Todd Dills
HIDEOUS BOUNTY: THIRTY-THREE | Andrew Davis
NAMELESS Dennis Foley
BREADSTICKS Russell Helms
ITINERARY: ALL TIMES APPROXIMATE Ryan Strong
GUNS Paul Kavanagh
FORECAST: Chapt. 8 of a serialized novel Shya Scanlon
SMOOTH Spencer Dew
LAST DAY IN BIRMINGHAM: A TWITTER ITINERARY Todd Dills
ITINERARY: ON THE ROAD WITH A PUNK BAND IN SPAIN Joanna Powers

NAMELESS
---
Dennis Foley

Foley lives and writes in Chicago, where he was once a Cook County assistant state's attorney. He spends his time these days otherwise; for one, he's working on a novel.

I should remember his name, the victim. I donít remember the defendantís name either. But I do remember this: the victim was a plumber and the defendant called him over to his apartment for repairs, and while the plumber was under the sink, the defendant whacked him across the back of his neck with the victimís own wrench, knocking him out. When the victim came to, he found it hard to breath. A sock was lodged in his throat and duct tape circled his head holding the sock in place. The plumber was tied to a kitchen chair and his shirt had been removed.

Bohemian Pupil Press, Chicago publishers of the South Side Trilogy

The defendant flipped on the TV and started watching the Three Stooges. In his confession, he said he liked the Three Stooges. Curly was his favorite.

Moe hit Curly with a hammer, so the defendant hit the victim with a hammer. Again and again and again. He broke bones in places and made dents in others. When Curly threw a pair of pants onto an ironing board, the defendant followed his lead and plugged in his own iron. As the iron warmed up, Moe pulled out a cigar. The defendant decided to have a smoke too. Moe lit that big stogie and then inadvertently tossed the match over his shoulder. It landed in Larryís rather expansive hairdo. The defendant laughed as Larry grimaced and fanned himself from the heat atop his smoking head. The defendant put a match to the plumberís hair and laughed as the flames raced across the plumberís flat top, leaving a mound of singed, porcupined needles. When the plumber screamed in silence, the defendant laughed even harder. Then the iron was ready. He pressed it to the plumberís back and chest and face just as the Stooges had done on a previous episode. But the plumber was still alive. The defendant took a butcher knife and slit the plumberís belly open in two places from hip to hip. The plumberís intestines spilled out onto the floor. He died a short while later. The Stooges had never done anything like that, the defendant said. He thought they would be proud.

At trial, the prosecution sought to enter four poster-size photos of the victim into evidence. The defendantís attorney objected, saying these photos would prejudice the jury. Good olí Judge Bailey made the right call. He allowed the photos into evidence. All four. God bless Judge Bailey. He knew the photos were damaging, but hey, the defendant deserved to be damaged. The photos were placed directly in front of the jury, staged on easels as if a collection of art. Tears flowed immediately from the eyes of Jurors 2, 3 and 7. They didnít attempt to hold anything back. Almost all of the others gasped and then swallowed their tears as they turned their eyes away. Juror 11 stared at the defendant with hatred in his eyes. Good. We had our foreman.

I should remember the plumberís name. I should. I really, really should.


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