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**PRINT: MIXTAPE: THE2NDHAND’s 29th issue builds on a concept we introduced to the Chicago reading/performance scene in July 2007 -- the Mixtape reading, wherein several writers cast short-short stories inspired by pop songs. The concept evolved after several incarnations of its live component to include a published series here at the2ndhand.com and, now, a broadsheet. This latest includes 2008 Birmingham Artwalk contest winners Nadria Tucker and Emily Self, both past contributors to THE2NDHAND and both writing from Birmingham, and a story by Zach Plague, author of the art-school satire/adventure novel Boring boring boring..., out now from Chicago’s Featherproof Books. Tracklist: Leaving Batesville, Night Moves, Carousel...

**WEB: THE PLATYPUS: PART 8 Zach Plague
THE ANTIPURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE: SUMMER | Andrew Davis
HERMAN Stanley Holditch
REQUIEM FOR BOB MERITXELL: Part 3 Michael Duffy
THE OMBUDSMAN DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT Jess Wigent & Louie Holwerk
MANDY C.L. Bledsoe
WING & FLY: COMMITMENTLESS AGE: a review of Victor Serge's "Unforgiving Years" | Todd Dills

THE PLATYPUS: PART 8
---
Zach Plague

In the previous installment of this serialized novel excerpt (from Plague's first, boring boring boring, the Platypus continued scheming his revenge upon Ollister, Punk, Adelaide and all the art-terrorist crew. Meanwhile, Punk was planning a decoy.... Be sure to catch Plague in Birmingham or Atlanta Sept. 5 or Sept. 7, respectively. You might also visit him at THE2NDHAND's table at Artwalk in Birmingham, Ala., on Saturday the 6th. See EVENTS for more.

PREVIOUS SECTION

Punk couldn't believe he still had these stupid papers. Even though they were blank. He wanted rid of the book. He wanted everyone to leave him alone.

THIS WILL GO DOWN ON YOUR PERMANENT RECORD

He strode purposefully down the main drag, fists clenched, soaked in rain. He knew he had to obey Ollister. But maybe that was OK. Whatever happened when he went to The Platypus's, whether he got caught or not, he would still be rid of the papers, and it would be over. He looked up in time to realize he was walking past Bunny's. The gutter kids weren't out front anymore. It was too early for that. They were probably out in the suburbs, having dinner with their grandparents in chain restaurants. For no reason at all he turned, and went inside the porno store.

Rageena didn't seem to care. It was off-hours. And a glance around, at all the lewd positions on the shelves, was enough to convince him that he needed to relieve himself before he carried out his mission. So into the black booth he went.

Ollister had given him some money, and he slid all of it into the slot. He wasn't going to mess around this time.

When the screen snapped on, he saw three seconds of thigh before it turned into The Platypus's pink face. He jumped. He had forgotten. The Platypus smiled.

"Coming to see me?"

"Man, what, are you fucking following me?"

"Of course I'm following you. I don't talk to just anyone who walks into these things. Listen my little friend, I need those papers from you, OK?"

"Uh... I thought you had the real... I mean, the papers..."

"Just turn it over, and we'll stop following you, and leave you alone. OK?"

"No, man, fuck this. I'm tired of this shit."

"I don't want to turn my men loose, I've heard they can be awfully nasty."

"Dude, I don't give a shit about your threats. You're gonna get terrorized anyway."

"Whatever can you mean?"

"Ollister's gonna fuck you up man, he's got a plan, and..." Punk suddenly realized that he shouldn't be talking about Ollister's plans.

"Hmm. Sounds interesting. Want to come over, and tell me more?"

Punk bolted out of the booth. He was going to be in so much trouble with Ollister now. He should've just done what he was supposed to.

"That was quick." Rageena half smiled at him as he pushed his way out of the door. Once again, there was a gang waiting for him. But this time they were all grown men, dressed in immaculate white suits. He started to run.

But they were ready for him. A smaller, burly guy in sunglasses tackled him, and they dragged him around the corner, into the alley behind the store. He struggled, kicking and spitting, but the little one held him down, while another went through his pockets.

"I don't have the fuckin' papers man!" Punk. Desperate.

"Quiet." The White Suit. The one standing still. He sounded smart. The other one, who was searching him, finally put his hand down the back of Punk's pants, where he was hiding the papers. He yanked them out, and handed them to the smart one.

The White Suit held them gingerly with one hand, disgusted. He started flipping through them, letting the pages fall to the ground. Everyone could see the book was blank.

"Where are the papers? Where's Ollister?"

"Um... uh.. Adelaide, this girl..."

"She has them?"

"Uh, yeah..." Punk. Clawing at the floor, trying to get up.

"Let's go." The smart one. Giving orders. The other guys dropped him, and the suits disappeared quickly around the corner.

Punk sat up. He was amazed they believed his lie. He touched his ass. It was bleeding. Papercuts. The guy had yanked them out of there so violently.

"Fuck!" Shouting at no one.

FIRST SECTION


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