I know she's a female psychiatrist, I'm the one who goes to her--

Yes I know I'm a man discussing my sexual life with a seemingly heterosexual woman.

Yes I absolutely understand you've voiced wishes about doing it in the past -- you're voicing them now -- but if we start up I'm destined to burn calories and shed the little fat left on my person. People already refer to me as "beanpole." I don't want to give them any more ammunition. And forget I said "pole."

My issues with assfucking come in one clumped sum. Is it healthy? Is it pleasurable? Will it improve our communication so we won't breakup?

Yes those are the only questions.

It's a clumped sum because if it's not healthy it's not pleasurable and if it's not pleasurable it can't improve our communication.

I know we both said we wanted to try some new things, but I meant racquetball or going to the opera. You're talking about the beastly, sour regions of your anus. Mine too, if I sign off on you and your purple twelve-inch dildo.

No, come on. I need more time. Give it a couple of weeks. We at least have to go over this longer than the discussion to invade Iraq.

Yes. How did you know? Yes I did it once Shelia and it changed our relationship forever.

Like what? She began to call me Mr. Perspective, that's what, and don't ask me why. Shelia came from Pennsylvania and that's all I'll say.

Plus I can't see your face and I like to see your face because your face reminds me of you and you remind me of order, cleanliness and good living.

No, if I didn't assfuck Shelia we still would have broken up because she liked to whisper Elvis songs in my ear while I tried to sleep and when I lashed out at her for that silliness she threw the TV out the window. Do you know what floor we lived on?

Actually I don't believe you when you say you'll break up with me if we don't assfuck. I know you have more class, otherwise you would have never become my special one, the one I call "girlfriend."

Well I'm not too happy that you are assfucking my brother. It hits me high and it hits me low but still I stand behind my initial decision to not yet assfuck.

My family history is very different from what you think you understand. We were raised sensibly. Please, thank you, yes ma'am. My brother was not the favored brother. That leaves one.

If I can believe your claim that assfucking has been going on in your family for four generations, try this on for size. Nine generations have us Petersons proudly assfucked. It goes back to Joachim who lived on the west coast of Sweden. The rumored Adonis grew goddamned turnips. Assfucked two and sometimes three blond women a week. There are testimonials and letters in Swedish to support everything.

I don't know if you can actually call the state psychiatric hospital to come and pick me up. Maybe you should try the police, but where is the crime? What is the cause? You are the one who brought up assfucking.

DREAMS OF YOUR FATHER

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