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**PRINT: A LITTLE MONEY DOWN, by Doug Milam, is No. 27 in our broadsheet series and marks our 8th anniversary. Milam's a frequent contributor and wizard of experimentally styled prose that still burns bright around the campire -- this issue comes with a new design, an excerpt from Susannah Felts' first novel **WEB: HOROSCOPE FOR THE MORNING AFTER Nick Ostdick
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, and more.
HOROSCOPE FOR THE MORNING AFTER
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Nick Ostdick
Ostdick, editor of RAGAD, a literary concern, and THE2NDHAND emissary to Milwaukee, here continues his series of horoscopes with this quite familiar day indeed.
Today you will throw up. Without a doubt this will happen. It's a good thing, really. It might happen in bed or on the floor or, if the stars are aligned correctly, perhaps even in the bathroom -- a small wastebasket strategically placed near your bedside is a possibility too. You will not get many things done today -- you will not go to work and your to-do lists will suffer and your home will fall into disarray as you will find your body fatigued and your mind heavy and thick and your stomach uneasy. However, there are a few things you can do to ease you through this cosmically challenging journey.
First avoid all phone calls; they might lead to a revelation of what/who went on last night -- and trust me, you don't want to know. There will be stories and anecdotes and jokes, too, about what happened. Some of them will be embellished, and to be successful today you have ignore them and do your best not to add to them. Don't answer the door either, as it could be someone from last night breaking the previous caveat and seeking their own answers, which will only add to that sinking feeling in your stomach. Today, truth is enemy number one.
Secondly, watch TV, much more than you normally would -- daytime talk shows will seem oddly valuable, and you'll feel moved by and sympathetic toward the pregnant teenager who hates her mom and says the world doesn't understand her. This is normal; this is good healing somehow.
Order greasy food. Today, pizza will become king in your life. And cheesy-bread. And tacos. And water. Spring for the double pepperoni topping, but don't open the box too quickly as the aroma might cause you to become nauseous, as your sense of smell and your gag reflex -- as previously mentioned -- will be heightened. Your sense of hearing will be sensitive, too, and watching those daytime shows on mute has the potential to be very soothing.
You'll notice that everything today will be about speed and that most things -- people, cars, and the bug that crawls across your kitchen floor -- move too fast. Squash a bug today for its swiftness and cunning; exerting control over something will help to clear the haze from your head.
Sadly, fate will also play a large part in the ease of your journey. Good karma will ensure a pleasant voyage. This karma might also work retroactively, so in the coming days do something virtuous, like giving money to the hobo who pees on the side of your apartment building.
In the end, the best medicine for your soul today is to stay in bed. At times close your eyes. Don't go anywhere, don't do anything -- your patience will help your sluggish universe right itself. Tomorrow your life will improve and simplify, but still beware of those people and stories from the night before, as in the workplace or in your private life their presence in the coming days will be unavoidable.
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