Sonny says trading songs for fish ain't natural I should want more. Eleanor say I shouldn't want nothing. Sonny say to that, Girsh she paranoid. I say leave her alone she burns. Now what you wanna hear I want some fish. Only red today. Only red every day where's the grape slacker? Hard to stash enough for your want. No song then, Sonny.

He tried to get me singing lounge-bar. I say no way not for nothing. But why not he say his feet shuffle in work pants, him in the newspaper factory, a loader. I says to his dirty face, ink-splotched nose, Because that's your want. Not doing.

Late nights I can't sleep I watch Sonny throw bundled bags of papers into the truck. Doing that for hours before break, spent seeing me, down the street. Asks What can I hear for five fish? Not much. He pulls the grape from his pockets my eyes saucer I want those fish and Eleanor would say Ain't no such thing as gifts Solange, earn taste. So's I say what you wanna hear? I want an answer today, why's you always sing blues?

Why's I sing blues? Cause I can why care? My songs. Eleanor's records in the kitchen making toffee from sugar and syrup. Eleanor and me blues in the background. Don't it make sense? He don't get it. Head shakes black curls stick to sweat-faced skin, real smooth, I can tell cause Eleanor don't have that skin. So it's like this. We listen to the music, Eleanor does. Puts it on the record. Then we stir the sweets. The sweets and the music sticky in my head see?

Sonny still shaking his head gives up gives fish. I feel greedy. I've taken. Grape in closed hands I think back on blues. Eleanor's blues.

Eleanor, why you listen to blues? I sing blues well sang blues. You sang blues? A while ago then I stopped. Because of me? No. I sang 'til you were five. You don't remember? No. What's that on your hands?

I told her. Purple fish I needed I sing for. She say sing me something you sing I want to hear what's worth. A trade, just a trade, I tell. She says, I ain't buying but I imagine it hard selling -- blues for purple fish -- it is purple -- not red? Right. I don't like the red. Why not? Don't taste the same, too, um, bright. Too bright? Solange, that's ridiculous, a taste can't be too bright. Can I just sing now?

I sing easy out and Eleanor sits at kitchen table, her legs between the legs of the table, steady through the song. Her hands on the table, she picks from a flower in the centerpiece. I stop the song mid-way. She looks up.

So?

Eleanor leaves the table. She goes to Pinky's corner store. Everyone calls him Porky for real though cause he's fat. I sit at the table with the picked centerpiece and rip apart petals fallen from the tulip. My pockets empty and I know I'll have to see Sonny soon. Eleanor comes back, purple fish in hand, a plastic bag dangling from other hand. She shovels a handful into her mouth, mouth filled purple.

These are good. I know. Why don't you just buy them? I'd rather sing. Solange, singing ain't for fish.

But blues sing need. What need be.

Eleanor silenced by child-mother and I stare scared. She plops fish on the table wakes me to her walking out. But turns back. Grabs another fistful.

Must tell Sonny. Sweet burns through like Eleanor's dislike, not wanting her want: the trade: her blues turn purple. I'm confounded. Sugar in the throat worth fire.

But if Sonny says, I sing.

SIDES

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